Lari’s Writing blog

I’m just recovering from the most emotional edit I’ve ever done.
Normally edits are about reducing wordcounts, tightening language, cutting repetition, checking facts, filling in plotholes, and generally telling the story in the best way possible.
And yes, that is what I’ve just done with Maze Running. I found some silly mistakes (I sent a dragon called one name off on a quest, and brought a dragon with a different name back! It’s ok, I noticed and sorted it) and I found a few last minute plotholes (one of which I covered up, literally, with a cloak – handy things cloaks.) I replaced weak wobbly words, made sentences clearer and took out dialogue that wasn’t necessary for the story. I also made a few tweaks to answer questions from my editor. She’s excellent at noticing things which I don’t explain clearly enough, or explain far too often, or which I can’t explain because they don’t make any sense.
By the time I sent the manuscript away a few days ago, it was shorter, clearer, faster and more exciting than the draft I finished at the end of last year. So the editing went really well.
But I was miserable. Actually (and don’t tell anyone this) I was sniffing, wiping my eyes and blowing my nose a lot.
Why? I’m happy with the story and I’m excited about sharing it with people. So why was I sad and upset?
One reason is because my relationship with a book alters once it’s sent off to the printers. I always find it a bit weird reading the printed version of my novels, because I can’t change them any more. If I suddenly think of a different way to express what’s happening, I can’t do it. I have no power over the story any more. I’m not really the writer any more. Just the person who wrote it.
So the final edit is slightly terrifying, because it’s my last chance to get it right. My last chance to spot mistakes, but also my last chance to do the story and the characters justice. Once I’ve sent it away, that’s it. I can’t make it any better. So that’s why the last edit of every book is nerve-wracking.
But with Maze Running the emotional wrench was ever harder. Maze Running is the fourth and FINAL book in the First Aid series. This book is the last adventure I will write about Helen, Yann, Lavender, Rona, Sapphire, Catesby, Lee and the rest all together.
If you think you’re upset about that (and I’ve already met readers who are a little bit annoyed with me for ending the series! But I’ll explain why I made that decision in another blog post soon…) So if you think you’re upset, just imagine how upset I am. I’ve spent more than five years of my life with these characters. I know them better than most people I meet in the real world. I hear their voices in my heads. I put them in terrible situations (worse situations in this next book than any other, sorry guys) and I trust them to get back out again. I work with them, listening to their reactions, letting them guide and sometimes even change the story. And now I’m done. Now I won’t write about them ever again, not as a group, not in this way, maybe not in any way at all.
And it was my decision. I feel like I’ve left them. Which makes me feel sad, guilty and almost like I’m grieving.
I know I will read their adventures out loud at book festivals and in author events. I will read the cliff-hangers, the quests and the fights. But because I won’t be able to change one word of what’s on the page, then I won’t be writing them any more. I’ll be reading them instead.
First Aid for Fairies was my first book. I owe these characters a lot. I really enjoy being with them. And when I handed the manuscript to Floris earlier this month, I was saying good bye to them.
That’s why this edit was highly emotional, and very sad. But also very exciting. Because who knows what I’ll write (and then edit) next…